Hope everyone is well inshaAllah, the easter holidays have started and this takes me back 10 years during this time when I decided to finally wear the headscarf outside my house. I decided its time I share my hijaab story.
I had been pondering for about a year or so before about covering my hair with a headscarf, I knew it was something that I should do to please my Lord yet I still couldn't face all my friends and teachers at school with it on. Though I went to a school with a Muslim majority where a lot of girls wore the headscarf I still thought people will think I'm a different person. I worried that once i wore it there was no going back. That was it. From now people will see my heard wrapped in a scarf whether it be at school, at family gatherings, weddings. I thought the headscarf would overshadow every occasion and event I went to. It was something that my Madressah teacher also pushed me towards, though looking back i'm not sure if that was a right approach or not but it was definatley a factor that effected my decision in wearing the headscarf. So every morning I used to get up,get ready for school and say to myself 'today is the day' but I remember bailing out a few times, until one day I kept it on and walked to school. My best friend was overjoyed as she wore it and encouraged me towards it aswell, other people gave me encouragement and some teachers asked why I did so. Before and also during the holidays was a taster for me in wearing the headscarf but after the holidays it was here to stay.
Since then I wore the headscarf to school, school trips, out shopping, school award evenings. I did take it off during one school trip to London I remember and this brother while walking past gave salaam to my friend who wore a headscarf, I was gutted he didn't offer me salaam and knew he would have if I wore the scarf as I would have been a visible Muslim.
My hijaab went through many phases, it all started with the headscarf (note so far I have called it a headscarf rather than hijaab because looking back I feel I didn't meet all the requirements of hijaab) I continued to wear my jeans and short tops and felt as long as I was covered and had a headscarf I was fine. Also during family gatherings and weddings the headscarf became non existant, as when I used to get ready and look around most of my relatives didn't have it on and so I too took it off. Though my school friends and teachers knew me as wearing hijaab the sad fact was that alot of relatives and family friends didn't associate it with me as they never saw me with it unless they had seen me out shopping! Alhamdulillah through Allah's guidance I slowly began to realise what I had been doing was wrong and it was during my university years that my external hijaab started to change. I started to look deeper at the deen and I have to say mashaAllah Islam channel,Isoc events and some great sisters contributed greatly towards it. I now started to wear the hijaab when I should,(when non mahrams visited my house, mixed weddings, family gatherings),at this point i started wearing longer tops,tunics and looser trousers. Gradually my take on modestly had developed until I started wearing an abayah and i still do most of the time. Though I know the abayah is not the only modest way to dress it did the job for me mashaAllah, it was so convenient for me as I could just pull it over what I was wearing and wear any colour scarf on top,grab my jacket and bag and I was ready to go. When I first started wearing a headscarf I mostly wore black square scarves as they were readily avaialable and matched my school uniform. Right now in my wardrobe my scarves are in so many different colours, I have black,red,white,cream,beige,gold,pink,blue,green,purple,lilac,grey,brown,silver as now alhamdulillah scarves of every design and colour are available in mainstream shops aswell as Islamic. The hijaab and jilbaab industry has grown quite rapidly over the yearss and I notice more and more sisters taking on the hijaab-Alhamdulillah.
I have realised how long this post has been so i'll end here inshaAllah but before I do a point I want to make is that I understand I have discussed my journey through donning the external hijaab only but this is not to undermine the status of the hijaab in our character and how we interact with people and our humblness before our Creator, I pray Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'la increases our understanding in both types of hijaab(external and internal), may He grant us modestly,humbleness, accept our deeds and forgive our wrongdoings aameen.